Mush: I heard you were hurt pretty bad by that second shoe.
Bush: What? What shoe? Nothing hit me! Did you see the videos?
Mush: I was told that video was doctored.
Bush: Damn! Who told you that?
Mush: I still have contacts with the ISI you know!
Bush: Your intelligence is very intelligent. Mine wasn’t even aware of the attack.
Continue reading “When Mush called Bush!”
It has been just another shitty day at the office for a President. Sometimes I wish Benazir was with me. She could take an awful lot of load off me. But then I wouldn’t have been the President if she was still around. Thank God she’s no more. Oh I mean thank Allah!
Indians have reasons to believe that the Army might take over sometime soon. Damn those Indians! My army is happy with me. I feed them pretty well. I also let them hang around the Afghan border and stare at those American chicks. I mean those female American soldiers.
Speaking of chicks, I’m really missing Sarah Palin. She’s so gorgeous. She hasn’t called me ever since she left. I wonder if I said anything wrong. I only offered to hug her in front of the press. This time around after the Mumbai terror attacks I was hoping they’d send her. Instead they sent that ugly Rice goat. She’s so butt ugly, I’ll let the Indians have Kashmir, if they try to send her one more time.
It’s good to see them mention my name all over television and newspapers. I’m gonna be so popular. I think I should get one of those suits Amitabh Bachchan wears. I wonder what brand he wears. Eh! It’s Bond I guess. He cries out Bond with the Best in one of his promos on TV. Speaking of TV I gotta get myself DTH. The cable wallahs around here are so rude. Even they carry around guns.
I should go to sleep now. I have another busy day waiting for me tomorrow. I have a long list of to-do stuff. Lets see, I have to wake up, read my mails, leave Sarah Palin a message on her answering machine, watch TV, attend some interviews. Oh that’s another busy day at the office for a President.
A good stress buster especially in the examination season. Jeff Dunham is back with a Christmas Special show. This was a relief after endless hours of watching terrorist drama unfold on national television. Achmed and Walter are great as usual. I liked Bubba J too! A must see for all those suffering from examinations!
The Curious Ones
These freaks check out each and every item that rests on the shelves. They may or may not be interested in buying all of these but somehow they feel they’ve been sent to Earth with the mission to check out all products at display. It’s better to ask one of these people if you’re looking for something specific in a retail store in India rather than the staff there.
The Bargain Hunters
These people love discounts. All kinds of discounts, schemes, crazy marketing frauds is on their menu every day. They don’t mind how low or high the bargain goes. They’ll cry for a Rupee. They’ll buy stuff they don’t even need. Just show them the flashy discounted pricing label and they’ve got it in their shopping carts.
The Copy Cats
These shoppers have no real independent aim of their own. They lock down on a single shopper and see what he or she is loading her shopping cart with. Then they start buying stuff that they see that person is buying. Freaks with a big F!
++ No superhero can fly freely in India. Electricity cables are a mess. Even if you are able to fly high in the sky, once you come down to actually getting hold of the bad guy, you’ll get stuck in electricity cables and eventually die (provided there is no power cut at that time).
++ You can’t change clothes in a phone booth. No legal implications here but we just don’t have phone booths like those in US.
++ You are not allowed to kiss in public in India. So when you save a hot chick you don’t get a chance to get hanky panky with her.
++ Wearing underwear the other way will attract a legal notice. Even if you are an ugly guy and no one cares about your underwear, the Government is strict on anything immoral and spoiling the youth (Rakhi Sawant is exempted, she doesn’t come under the superhero category).
++ A superhero will have to apply for a license from the Government of India. Once a lot of superheros crop up, the Government plans to setup a committee that will look into these legal matters of trademark registrations, costume designs etc. This is just to regulate the superhero traffic.
While at Delhi I had the opinion that it was the auto-rikshaws there which were like little monsters on three wheels. And then I moved to Faridabad and my opinion crashed like a typical Microsoft Operating system does. A ride on one of these auto-rikshaws in Faridabad is a ride through hell. If you think the ones in Delhi were unsafe and rash, you haven’t been on something like this in Faridabad. Let me explain the whole ride.
The first part is the most difficult one. Trying to convince an auto-rikshaw driver to take you to your destination is harder than convincing your girlfriend. You can either give out a lot of smiling Gandhis to these guys or you take the cheaper option of sharing the ride with others. You’re screwed either way.
The ride begins once there are more people sitting than the auto-rikshaw can actually accommodate. Picture this. There are two people on the left side of the driver and two on the right. That’s five on a seat which is supposed to be for one guy. The driver is sandwiched between these passengers and just manages to steer through the insane city traffic. Behind the cockpit, the scene isn’t any better. While three people are sitting on the seats, three more are sitting opposite to them. No not on any cushion but on hard steel. Yes it’s painful and cruel to the poor asses. Everyone sitting inside stinks. And they really stink badly. At first you wonder it’s coming from the outside and then you take a look at the guy next to you. His face is self explanatory. His expressions go like, “Yes dude, that’s me. I stink”.