Alice in Blunderland (Not in 3D)

alice in blunderland


Once upon a time there lived a girl by the name of Alice.
Alice was smart. Alice was loving. Alice was all a man desires.
Alice sat for a test. Alice passed the test. Alice boarded a flight to UK.

The Story

Alice came down and settled in UK. Her post graduation had just taken off. She was in high spirits all over. Alice now held a promising future that made her parents and relatives proud of her every time they heard her voice over the cheap long distance calling-card-calls. After all she was a Gujju-girl at heart. She had everything going for her. From her clean apartment to her grades everything was nothing short of perfect. She was on her way to becoming the next Queen.

This is when things turned sour. For an Indian can never hide the fact from her heart. She fell for it. The deep devilish London nightlife ate her alive. She started going out with men. Things went worse when she started double dating. And triple dating. From daily phone calls back home to weekly, from weekly to monthly. The plain-Jane Gujju-girl was suddenly in rock star mode. She felt she was on top of the world as if she has won at Lotto.

It’s the life you once get into, you cannot escape. There’s no quit button to fast London life. Poor Alice could have realized she was on her way to self destruction. She needed someone to bail her out of her high society lifestyle. She flunked college. She owed people money. She couldn’t even afford an escape keyboard key let alone a ticket back home.

She needed someone. I always need a girl. Somehow God had this freak circuit switching technique that even most routers cannot afford. The connection was made (online of course) and Alice was in safe hands now. We started with getting her debt cleared. We then paid off her rent which was now six months overdue. Her grades are beginning to rise. Alice was now back in wonderland. I was in love-land.

You know it’s hard to find someone out here who helps you financially. Especially a fellow student who makes all his money doing odd jobs around the week. I didn’t even count the money I spent on her for I was deep in love with this Gujju-girl. Jassi’s, ‘Dil lai gayi kudi Gujraat di‘, played right inside my head 24×7. I was in love with Alice. I decided to tell her about my feelings. My utmost desire to touch her, hold her in my arms, go to the movies with her and who knows may be even marry her.

4:15 PM right outside her apartment, this is the time she comes down to call her parents, I stood right at the exit of the building to catch her by surprise. It sure was a surprise. But then I was the subject of the joke. Alice comes down with Mr. White Rabbit, arms in arms, smiling as if they’ve won the Lotto. Again. My face goes pale and I want to go back to my room, tune in to some desi beats and may be even gulp down a gallon of fermented barley but all of a sudden I couldn’t find my escape key.

It appears I’d been tricked. But then when I helped her I didn’t put down conditions. But then where was Mr. White Rabbit when the poor Gujju was in trouble? Am I just hallucinating? Certainly couldn’t be her relative, too fair in complexion. What kind of an executable file am I running here mate?

I turn away before the two, madly in love, see me. I make a run towards a cab and just when I was about to board one I realized I only had half a pound in my pocket. I smiled to the cabbie (who also happened to be a fellow sardarji) and asked my feet to bail me out as I told my heart to never fall for a girl.


I met Alice on video chat tonight. She seemed happy and Mr. White Rabbit was away. There was also a lot of meat in the graphical chat we had tonight. Look at her photo set above and tell me could you have stopped yourself from falling in love with her? May be it’s not Alice who was in blunderland, may be it was love torn Sardarjii like me.

6 Replies to “Alice in Blunderland (Not in 3D)”

  1. veere,, AWSUM. yaar, ending epilogue hor v kaim ho sakda c if u had added:: ALICE, ALICE,, WHO THE eff IS ALICE??

  2. Dude, its really hard to concentrate on the article after seeing the pic at the top…..but sad story indeed….
    anywayz dont lose heart…..just think her as a missed bus…but u r still in time to catch the next one…

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