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Harry’s Theory of Uncertainty

Harry — Mon, 10 May 2010 19:38:59 +0000

The amount of uncertainty that exists in the real world is so huge that it can turn our little lives upside down in a matter of seconds. Confused? Astonished? Well don’t be. Look around and uncertainty rules our world. I have this mini theory on uncertainty and how it affects us in the long run. I’ve decided to share it with everyone. It’s a bold move considering the amount of negative feedback I receive generally but what the heck, I’m gonna do it anyway.

We’re uncertain about most things we do in our lives. Will I get a job? Will I marry the person I love the most? Will I be rich?? Will Apple reduce it’s iPhone prices? Of course you can count the last question out, going by statistics. Our lives are surrounded by this halo of uncertainty. We have to deal with it no matter what. At times we simply choose to ignore it since thinking too much about it will throw you on the bed of depression.

One grave aspect of uncertainty is the number of items that have cropped up due to the uncertainty factor. We’re not clear about how a lot of things go about and it’s because of this very reason that we have given birth to what I call uncertainty-byproducts.

Let me take a very well known example. God. We all have a common understanding and moreover a belief that a super creature exists that has created this universe and is currently controlling everything from his central processing unit located somewhere we just have no idea about. I don’t want to spark off a debate on God’s existence here. It can take up bytes and bites of misery. My point here is that we’re not really clear about how things turned out to be this way for us, how we came up, how our world revolves around a huge ball of fire and it is this uncertainty that gave rise to the theory of God’s existence. So if God created this world, we created God, in a way.

Uncertainty and money are attached with almost every practical thing you can think of. Think about it. Take the case of marriage. What strikes your mind? Commitment. Life. Uncertainty. Money. Commitment and life are cliches any novice will understand. Uncertainty in terms of a marriage can include the person you’re going to marry, how will he or she turn out to be, how will they affect your life etc. Money of course is no rocket science here. I don’t think I need to give you more examples. You’ve got the point I suppose.

Uncertainty will continue to haunt our lives and even at times destroy us as we carry on with it. There’s no eject button attached to it either. Nothing is perfect, nothing is ideal. Not even machine, nor humans. So how do we go about dealing with this mysterious creature? It’s simple. We learn to live with it. It’s what we humans have done in the past and it’s what we will do in our future as well. We make friends with people we just can’t beat up.

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DLF IPL 3 – It’s the finale!

Ishy — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 12:45:52 +0000

After thousands of words being written about the misery IPL and it’s head honcho Mr. Lalit Modi are going to face in their near future, I thought I’d write something about the other side of the IPL, the situation on ground zero, the game of cricket.

I may be the biggest hypocrite of all times but as much as I hate cricket and cricket lovers I just can’t stay away from games like semi-finals and the big final. As of IPL 3 it’s down to the mighty Mumbai Indians against the cherished Chennai Super Kings this Sunday.

I’m not a supporter of either of the teams. A majority of you might already be supporting the Mumbai Indians due to their obvious strength, somehow I felt the Royal Challengers are the Proteas of IPL. They’re a strong team yet they get behind just before the big game.

So who is it going to be? The nerves are already ticking. The blood pressure is all set to rise. This Sunday, it’s a big one!

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An Open Letter To Mr. Lalit Modi

Ishy — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 16:36:12 +0000

Dear Mr. Modi,

I hope you’re doing fine. You probably are just fine counting the cash IPL’s money machine is making for you and your alliances. This season of IPL has been even bigger and you have left no stone unturned to make sure about that. All good. Clap. Clap. Clap. One tight slap.

I am sorry if I appear rude to you Mr. Modi. It’s not my intent to make you sound like a money hungry Godzilla. To millions of cricket fans across the globe you’re probably a good lord. To millions of innocent ladies in India and across the globe you’re just another sport-loving-money-making-celeb-licking jerk. Cricket and especially T20 owes you big time. Ladies have a special title for you and that’s called Mr. Modi-behen-#$%^@.

I am sorry again. By now you’re probably wondering what you did to deserve such a grand title. Let me make it clear Mr. Modi. Ladies, both young and old, loved watching television soaps and dramas, sugar coated reality shows and saas-bahu social mythologies but then you came around and ruined it for us. Trust me on this but a season of IPL is like a big big PMS.

I am sorry if I sound rude here. It’s not my intent to make you angry Mr. Modi but all we care about is our lovers, our hubbies and our little children. All those cheerleader-dance-licking maniacs that you’ve made out of our better halves is just not acceptable. TV remote is worse than the ring in The Lord of the Rings. Every day we have to succumb to three-four hours of plain boredom as our better halves take control of the TV screens and make our life miserable. As if it wasn’t already.

I request you to kindly shove it up your candy little boom boom. Let there be light.

Regards,

All India Naari Bachao Association

Disclaimer: The above is a piece of satire. It’s not to be taken seriously. The author’s views are her personal. The website takes no responsibility for the author’s views.

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Katrina Kaif’s Sister in a MMS Scandal

Zordy — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 16:13:19 +0000

Katrina Kaif’s sister Isabella has entered the world of Bollywood. He debut film…err scandal made some waves across the Internet a couple of weeks ago. The media totally missed the whole venture and Katrina’s sister started off with a flop already.

The MMS scandal obviously carried someone who was a lookalike of Katrina’s sister Isabella. Something that is now rampant on the Bollywood scene. If you look at Katrina’s sister you’ll see there’s more to her than what meets the eye. She carries the potential to take over her sister in the long run. Moreover I feel Katrina is too flat-chested and overrated. If you compare the two Bollywood hotties then you’ll agree with me Isabella scores over Katrina any day from head to toe.

I am hoping Isabella has a better and more smarter role to play in her upcoming Bollywood movie. Of course no actress wants to play the Uma Thurman of negative Bollywood pranks. Nevertheless I will be rooting for Isabells once her movie comes up. Don’t mind if any of my reviews are biased by the intoxication of pure goddess Isabella. I love you Isabella!

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Mallika Sherawat’s First American On-Screen Kiss

Zordy — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 20:25:47 +0000

Mallika Sherwat has done it again! The bold Bollywood actress has apparantly tweeted her first ever American on-screen kiss. Mallika seems to be having fun at Hollywood. Her energy-filled Twitter timeline reflects that. The actress is currently in the United States shooting for her new movie Hisss (I don’t know how many S’s are involved) which stars Irfan Khan too.

Don’t ask me who the guy Mallika is kissing in the still above. It’s definitely not Irfan Khan. Just another random guy? Well it’s Mallika Sherawat you see not Rakhi Sawant. After going through the official promo for Mallika’s Hiss I have no interest in watching the movie myself. I won’t even recommend you the promo. Of course you can Youtube the video once the movie is out.

Here’s wishing our dear Mallika Sherawat loads of luck in Hollywood-land and may she kiss many more times. Cheers Mallika! I love you!

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A Day In The Life of A Twitter Addict

Harry — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 16:06:24 +0000

A day in the life of a Twitter addict.

PS: Hand drawn comic. Please excuse my lack of drawing skills.

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George Bush Calls Up Barack Obama

Ishy — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 13:14:41 +0000

Bush: Hey mate! How’re ya doin?
Obama: Oh very well sir. How are you?
Bush: Oh I’m just chillin..so hows life Mr. President? *laughs*
Obama: Oh very well sir, I’m on the path of change.
Bush: Yeah whatever. So you saw that Khan flick?
Obama: Oh yes sir. This new Osama tape is a classic!
Bush: No no I’m talking about this movie, what is it called Khan my name or something?
Obama: Is it a film on Islam?
Bush: No not really. It’s about..well an awful lot of things.
Obama: I’m gonna have to see it. Sick of these Osama videos I have to watch.
Bush: Yeah! I heard they blocked YouTube on your network.
Obama: It’s killing me sir. So what’s with this movie?
Bush: Well it’s pretty nice. This guy wants to meet the US prez and shit.
Obama: I heard Bollywood is all about hanky panky stuff.
Bush: They have some nice looking women there.
Obama: Oh no sir I’ve stopped looking at women after the you-know-what incident.
Bush: Yeah watch out! You don’t wanna do a Clinton here.
Obama: *laughs*
Bush: You know they really messed up my duplicate in this Khan flick.
Obama: Sir you want me to ban it?
Bush: No no it’s fine. In fact your duplicate is more awful than mine.
Obama: Oh well I don’t mind sir. Who watches these flicks anyway?
Bush: Yeah I heard they got good publicity back in India.
Obama: May be. Sir I gotta get back to memorizing my speeches.
Bush: Cool. I gotta get back to…well who should I call now?
Obama: *hangs up*

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Confessions of a Dyslexic Lover

Zordy — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 19:03:28 +0000

People who are a 360 degrees part of me, my friends, relatives and my colleagues at the campus – they all believe that I am the last person they would expect to fall in love. Why? Every one is of the opinion that I am not too serious about being in a relationship. How? They have formed this opinion over the years that they’ve known me. They find me too jolly to be a part of someone’s life for a long time. Doesn’t make sense? If you’ve been a regular on this blog then you might have a similar opinion about me as well.

This Valentine’s Day I regret to inform you that your opinions and calculations about what goes on in the love section of my brain are completely false. Baseless to the core.

I have silently been in love over the past five years. And this is my love story, so far of course.

Confessions of a Dyslexic Lover

I was sure Sparta was in trouble that day. The Battle of Thermopylae was about to begin. King Leonidas was fiddling with his Windows XP machine while trying to run a game in compatibility mode. He was continuously yelling such bad things about the creator of Microsoft-land. All this while Xerxes was moving his army of soldiers right there in front of us on the whiteboard. He finished scribbling his strategy to crush Sparta and looked back. He looked at me like a butcher looks at the chicken’s eye one last time. Nothing could save me now, not even Frank Miller. But just as they say the worst was yet to come, Xerxes was disturbed by a knock on the door. As he opened the door I looked upon our leader Leonidas with hope. He was still hopeless with his Windows XP machine.

Just then a beautiful princess made her way into Sparta. She was the most beautiful one I had ever seen. I didn’t want Leonidas putting his dirty hands around her so I offered her a seat. She willingly took my offer and my eyes began to melt as I looked at her hot wardrobe. Right then I felt something pierce through my heart. I had been attacked. It must have been Xerxes, he must have seen me lose my concentration over a girl. I looked down upon my chest and there was no blood. Xerxes was still fiddling with his (or her) jewelry. So I was attacked by the princess. Her deep eyes killed my heart with just one look. A smile followed and my eyes shut down.

‘Do you come to class to sleep Mr. Zoravar?’, yelled my teacher. I opened my eyes and found everyone was giggling at my stupidity. I had closed my eyes while staring at the new girl in class. I could smell awkwardness right next to me. I tried to take control of the situation and decided to do something intelligent. I asked the teacher permission to go to the loo. Not really smart enough but try being in a situation like that and your brain cells betray you very own body.

In the loo as I relieved myself I thought about the new girl in the class. How foolishly I had given myself to her and I didn’t even know her name. I imagined at this rate I couldn’t really sing Bollywood songs running around trees like in the movies. My sole purpose of the first semester of my first year of engineering now was not to mug up concept of C++ programming or waste paper on differential equations but to win over that new girl in class. How will I do it? How will I succeed without mastering any tricks of the trade? I didn’t have an answer to that then. I still don’t have answers to that now.

The first year passed and I knew her name by then. I didn’t go up to her and ask her, I was awfully too shy to do something like that. I searched the class attendance register and then I browsed her or Orkut (that was the big daddy of social networking that time) and I got to know some minor details about her. I didn’t even add her on Orkut thinking she might think of me as a desperate person. We didn’t talk much except for the occasional hi-hellos once in a while. I was slowly on the path to self destruction like any other Bollywood super hero.

The second and third year passed in almost the similar way. Now Facebook started catching up and I added her on Facebook. We did talk in the class room at times but it was strictly business. I asked her about notes and she’d give it to me for copying them. I posted flowers, funny photos and stuff on her Facebook wall. She was slowly taking over me entirely. Every once in a while I thought about going up to her and telling her how I felt about her and all but I just didn’t have the you-know-what back then. May be I still don’t have them.

The last day of college, oh how can I forget it! I was dressed in formals for no good reason. I thought this would be the day I’d propose her. Four years of silent one sided love and I just couldn’t take it now. I bought a rose, a box of chocolates and practiced some lines. I seemed confident inside and foolish outside. But I had to give this thing a shot or I’d lose her for life. This is it, I told myself. I did think of backing out at the last moment but something kept the desire burning inside me. She was the girl for me and I was the guy for her. Made for each other stuff and some Bollywood songs ringing inside my head kept my brains busy for most of the day.

The Battle of Thermopylae isn’t for just about anyone. The true Sparta spirit has got to be there. As I was about to head to the canteen where I presumed the love of my life would be waiting for me, one of my classmates stopped by to say hello. I was oozing tension at that moment and my face was tomato red. She had suspected it by then and I told myself I should let go some of me before I explode. I told her of my jet plane plans of pursuing the girl of my dreams. What came my way was entirely unexpected. My world shattered in moment. My dreams…my thoughts…my courage…everything went down the drain. She told me the girl I was so in love with got engaged six months ago and is supposedly getting married by the end of this year. She didn’t tell anyone except for a few of her girl friends. Damn!

I could feel how those people who listen to Himesh Reshammiya feel like. Somehow I could relate to them. As Aatif Aslam, Himesh Reshammiya and Elvis Presley took over my playlist for the next couple of weeks, I blamed myself for what I did to me and to her. She didn’t deserve just about anyone. She deserved a Spartan. My dyslexic brain couldn’t make out the WHs of love. I had indeed lost the battle of love. Anyways I didn’t lose hope. I still went ahead to attend her wedding and at least get to enjoy the great food they have at Punjabi weddings. I wished her good luck and hoped this would turn out to be a sweet nightmare.

So the next time you judge a lover by his interest in cleavage think again. My sense of humor is what has kept me alive. I hope it goes on like this. As for the girl who got married, in case you’re reading this, I’m still single. We can do something about your husband and you can still get a Spartan. Baby this is Spartaaaaaaa!

PS: Happy Valentines day to all you singles and couples out there. Cherish love the way it comes. Be good and may God bless you with happiness and me with more girls.

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Comic – Save The Tiger?

Harry — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 19:57:55 +0000

Let’s save the Tiger! But from whom?

Credit love – Kanishka Poddar for the original photo.

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To My Dear Emma, with love!

Zordy — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 13:28:45 +0000

Dear Emma Watson,

When I first saw you,
I knew I was in love…
Deep inside I asked myself,
is there any age restriction on it…
My heart said go boy go…
I’m sure it was you,
I knew it was you..you..you

Oh Emma Emma Emma,
my super little Emma…
You blew me away!
Oh Emma Emma Emma,
What’s so special about you?
You make me wanna chew you away!

I know this is a stupid song,
I know Potter’s been playing you so long,
I know you like get naughty too…
I know you’d like me to woo….

Oh Emma Emma Emma,
my super little Emma…
You blew me away!
Oh Emma Emma Emma,
Harry’s little gemma,
screw the Potter away!

I know one day you’ll be mine,
All I’ve had is just a little wine.
But baby don’t you worry my Emma honey,
I’ll make you my choco bunny…
You and I will make it….ahh can’t rhyme at all!

Anyways you got my point Emma Watson, you lovely little cute girl. You’re mine!

With love,

Zoravar
(Marry me for citizenship – Boo yaa’ all)

Issued in true love and not exceeding 40.7 %v%

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