People who are a 360 degrees part of me, my friends, relatives and my colleagues at the campus – they all believe that I am the last person they would expect to fall in love. Why? Every one is of the opinion that I am not too serious about being in a relationship. How? They have formed this opinion over the years that they’ve known me. They find me too jolly to be a part of someone’s life for a long time. Doesn’t make sense? If you’ve been a regular on this blog then you might have a similar opinion about me as well.

This Valentine’s Day I regret to inform you that your opinions and calculations about what goes on in the love section of my brain are completely false. Baseless to the core.

I have silently been in love over the past five years. And this is my love story, so far of course.

Confessions of a Dyslexic Lover

I was sure Sparta was in trouble that day. The Battle of Thermopylae was about to begin. King Leonidas was fiddling with his Windows XP machine while trying to run a game in compatibility mode. He was continuously yelling such bad things about the creator of Microsoft-land. All this while Xerxes was moving his army of soldiers right there in front of us on the whiteboard. He finished scribbling his strategy to crush Sparta and looked back. He looked at me like a butcher looks at the chicken’s eye one last time. Nothing could save me now, not even Frank Miller. But just as they say the worst was yet to come, Xerxes was disturbed by a knock on the door. As he opened the door I looked upon our leader Leonidas with hope. He was still hopeless with his Windows XP machine.

Just then a beautiful princess made her way into Sparta. She was the most beautiful one I had ever seen. I didn’t want Leonidas putting his dirty hands around her so I offered her a seat. She willingly took my offer and my eyes began to melt as I looked at her hot wardrobe. Right then I felt something pierce through my heart. I had been attacked. It must have been Xerxes, he must have seen me lose my concentration over a girl. I looked down upon my chest and there was no blood. Xerxes was still fiddling with his (or her) jewelry. So I was attacked by the princess. Her deep eyes killed my heart with just one look. A smile followed and my eyes shut down.

‘Do you come to class to sleep Mr. Zoravar?’, yelled my teacher. I opened my eyes and found everyone was giggling at my stupidity. I had closed my eyes while staring at the new girl in class. I could smell awkwardness right next to me. I tried to take control of the situation and decided to do something intelligent. I asked the teacher permission to go to the loo. Not really smart enough but try being in a situation like that and your brain cells betray you very own body.

In the loo as I relieved myself I thought about the new girl in the class. How foolishly I had given myself to her and I didn’t even know her name. I imagined at this rate I couldn’t really sing Bollywood songs running around trees like in the movies. My sole purpose of the first semester of my first year of engineering now was not to mug up concept of C++ programming or waste paper on differential equations but to win over that new girl in class. How will I do it? How will I succeed without mastering any tricks of the trade? I didn’t have an answer to that then. I still don’t have answers to that now.

The first year passed and I knew her name by then. I didn’t go up to her and ask her, I was awfully too shy to do something like that. I searched the class attendance register and then I browsed her or Orkut (that was the big daddy of social networking that time) and I got to know some minor details about her. I didn’t even add her on Orkut thinking she might think of me as a desperate person. We didn’t talk much except for the occasional hi-hellos once in a while. I was slowly on the path to self destruction like any other Bollywood super hero.

The second and third year passed in almost the similar way. Now Facebook started catching up and I added her on Facebook. We did talk in the class room at times but it was strictly business. I asked her about notes and she’d give it to me for copying them. I posted flowers, funny photos and stuff on her Facebook wall. She was slowly taking over me entirely. Every once in a while I thought about going up to her and telling her how I felt about her and all but I just didn’t have the you-know-what back then. May be I still don’t have them.

The last day of college, oh how can I forget it! I was dressed in formals for no good reason. I thought this would be the day I’d propose her. Four years of silent one sided love and I just couldn’t take it now. I bought a rose, a box of chocolates and practiced some lines. I seemed confident inside and foolish outside. But I had to give this thing a shot or I’d lose her for life. This is it, I told myself. I did think of backing out at the last moment but something kept the desire burning inside me. She was the girl for me and I was the guy for her. Made for each other stuff and some Bollywood songs ringing inside my head kept my brains busy for most of the day.

The Battle of Thermopylae isn’t for just about anyone. The true Sparta spirit has got to be there. As I was about to head to the canteen where I presumed the love of my life would be waiting for me, one of my classmates stopped by to say hello. I was oozing tension at that moment and my face was tomato red. She had suspected it by then and I told myself I should let go some of me before I explode. I told her of my jet plane plans of pursuing the girl of my dreams. What came my way was entirely unexpected. My world shattered in moment. My dreams…my thoughts…my courage…everything went down the drain. She told me the girl I was so in love with got engaged six months ago and is supposedly getting married by the end of this year. She didn’t tell anyone except for a few of her girl friends. Damn!

I could feel how those people who listen to Himesh Reshammiya feel like. Somehow I could relate to them. As Aatif Aslam, Himesh Reshammiya and Elvis Presley took over my playlist for the next couple of weeks, I blamed myself for what I did to me and to her. She didn’t deserve just about anyone. She deserved a Spartan. My dyslexic brain couldn’t make out the WHs of love. I had indeed lost the battle of love. Anyways I didn’t lose hope. I still went ahead to attend her wedding and at least get to enjoy the great food they have at Punjabi weddings. I wished her good luck and hoped this would turn out to be a sweet nightmare.

So the next time you judge a lover by his interest in cleavage think again. My sense of humor is what has kept me alive. I hope it goes on like this. As for the girl who got married, in case you’re reading this, I’m still single. We can do something about your husband and you can still get a Spartan. Baby this is Spartaaaaaaa!

PS: Happy Valentines day to all you singles and couples out there. Cherish love the way it comes. Be good and may God bless you with happiness and me with more girls.

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1. Miss Attitude

This is quite a common genre of girls every guy comes across at least several times in his life. Miss Attitude is what I call this type of woman. She ain’t perfect, she ain’t got it all but Johnny boy she’s got herself an attitude she’s proud of. Prepare to be assaulted right from the way you dress to the way you call the captain to take the order, from the tiniest detail to that lipstick stain on the jacket you recycled from last year’s Valentines. She’s got a problem with everything. She’ll show her attitude even if the chef throws in a tiny pinch of extra sugar in the pastry. No gift can pass her. No gift can please her attitude. She’ll accept it whole halfheartedly and claim she’s had better. Makes you wonder what creatures could have possibly tamed such a tigress in the past. A must-skip for any Valentines day.

2. Miss I-Am-Angry

These are over-spoilt girls. They get angry at the drop of a hat. You forgot flowers? You didn’t buy them a drink? You didn’t bring along a gift? What did you say? Prepare to get assaulted. You need to pay extra attention and be a good listener to survive a date with this kind of girl. You must follow their commands like a slave. You must make sure you don’t press the trigger. It’s all about finding the trigger button. If you can find what makes this girl angry and suppress it then you can take the bull by the horns. I’ll suggest you avoid people like this. You cannot afford to go feeling awkward while she bashes you verbally (or at times physically) on a Valentines day. Someone like this needs anger management classes and not a boyfriend.

4. The Super Rich Super Girl

She’s got money, oh honey. Nothing pleases her more than brooding over her enormous wealth she acquired from her hard working ancestors who died working hard making just enough money that some day their grand grand daughter could buy herself a liposuction surgery. These girls can be a lot of mess. Don’t take it for granted that they’re rich and they’ll pay the check. You’ll have to take her to an expensive place and pay for it as well. As if surviving the date with Miss Richie Rich wasn’t enough.

4. The Kiddish Girl

And you thought only guys were kiddish. These are Daddy’s dolls who’ll drag you to the phone booth every one hour to call up dad and tell me how wonderful your date has been so far. Not to forget the GPS-loving dad who keeps a track on every move his lovely girl makes. You dare take this girl out for a drive uphill into a lonely corner, he’ll be right behind you with you-know-what kind of stuff. Also if you were planning on getting all mushy this Valentines with such a girl forget it. These types of girls just don’t get it. Also you might wanna keep come cotton with you. That’s for the tone these girls carry, who knows you might just have to listen to nursery rhymes all over again. She expects you to carry around a chocolate and candies in your pocket at all times. A must-avoid this Valentines Day.

5. Miss Sati Savritri

Let me define a typical Miss Sati Savitri for you. A girl who covers every millimeter of her skin with her grandma gifted traditional suits, repeats hanji (yes) after anything you say, doesn’t let you come close to a radius of 20 cm around her is one such girl. Although it’s an endangered species in India but some of them do exist in smaller towns. I remember one of my friends was so desperate that he stuck to one such girl and ultimately when this one time he took her to a Valentine’s party and she freaked out. Another issue with this type of girls is that they’re hyper sensitive. They’re like those touch-me-not plants. Too much emotions, no fun loving creatures and mostly like to date at safe places. A must-no for this Valentines day.

Spread the love. BTW I’m single, available and hungry this Valentines day. Anyone around Manchester is more than welcome!

Disclaimer: All photos are posted with permission from their respective owners. These do not come under the blog’s Creative Commons license. None of these photos may be reproduced without permission.

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Looking to buy something cool to gift this Valentine’s day? Well Preet Arjun Singh from Chandigarh has something fresh to offer. He suggests you buy a ‘hearty’, a hand crafted pin-up made from jute and waste cloth by local women empowerment groups. How cool is that?

Each hearty represents a unique mood as well. There are four different colors, black, red, purple and green (or lemonish, I can’t make out clearly). All four colors stand for separate meanings. Like the black one is for those who’re sick of eve-teasing, red is for national integrity and more.

What’s even cooler is that each hearty costs just Rs.10 each. And (open your eyes for this one), in case you’re so stuck up in debt (of course due to your girlfriend’s gift purchases) that you can’t afford one, you can drop these guys a mail and they’ll buy you one!

To order your hearty for Valentines day you can send a text in the following format to +91-
99-88-22-44-75

<color> hearty <address>

I’m not sure if they’re shipping nationally as of now, feel free to drop them a mail at karmarepublic.chd@gmail.com for more information.

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Well…as promised to Harry, here is my first ever blog post and to begin with, all what I write or ever wrote for my college magazines, dad’s college magazine (yes I did get my article published in someone else’s name lately..!!) and last but not the least for myself, I dedicate them all to the almighty, family, to you harry and to my friends.

This post is regarding what has always been a topic close to my heart and I have always vouched for it…that is ‘Relationships’..!! besides money this is what makes the world go around. it all starts with d moment we r born…relationships wid parents n siblings comes 2 us by default….later on we r left with 2 choose relationships with friends and at work..by our own witt and wisdom…! This is where d problem actually begins..we r always confused when left with options n decisions to take. Be it choosin the friends..or the one we love…we are always on for seeking others advice n in search for a non existing thing called perfection….!

Finding friends is still manageable…but finding as we may call ‘true love’ ..or a soulmate….is a herculean task in d world where we have 2 deal with never ending jealousies, ego trips, expectations and ambitions. Btw..did I mention ‘true love’ ….well was there ever a thing called ‘false love’ too..?! we, since teenagers start figuring out the feeling called love, and by the time we are college pass outs…we think ourselves to b no less than doctorates in the field of relationships and giving our own piece of advices which have actually came out of our own shitty experiences and at the end of the day feeling privileged for being sought after…! According to me, this is the most interesting and mysterious topic till date..even more mysterious than ‘what women wants’. I guess its coz it includes both men n women n this is what complicates things.

Yes..its actually us who complicate everything in our every relationships..be it love or friendship. We always overlook what we have,or may be this is jst the human nature. Its our quest for a better one which is responsible for many of us being alone. Think of a person who loved you in the past but you left him…y coz he wasn’t gud enuff 2 please your eyes or wasn’t rich enough to tackle your unending expenses or wasn’t witty enough to make u laugh..?! are these reasons enough to break a heart which is as beautiful as anything n is priceless..!! I have seen, infact I know people who have lost love in search of perfection… I pity them..thoroughly..! being a high school lecturer myself, I come across teenagers sharing problems with me regarding breakups, heartaches and other ups and downs in their relationships . for them and to all others I just have 1 thing to say that come what may never stop loving or hate love. By sayin such things you are only foolin your own self . and to maintain an ongoing relationship the key word is ‘communication’. Love is all actually about communication, not today but it always was..! you guys wanna fite …go fite but don’t b silent atleast…I don’t think silent solves anything, it always makes the things worse. Tell d other person how much you love him and what he means to you. Make your relationship a perfect 1..and stop finding a relationship tats perfect..!!

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Looking for a date for this Valentine’s day? Join the gang buddy! Valentine’s Day is almost here. The newspapers, websites, blogs, forums etc. add salt to your ‘single’ wounds. You have remained single throughout the year and all of a sudden when you look around and find no one besides you, your heart starts beating faster and sends a pulse to your brain that tells you, ‘You f’ing moron! Go find a good girl for yourself.’

Finding that perfect date for Valentine’s day is a nut job. You need to crack it or get cracked. OK that was a bad PJ! Anyways let’s talk about how to find that perfect date for Valentine’s day. Remember your date is supposed to last a couple of hours and it doesn’t matter if she decides to stay with you or not. Just stick to the plan. Don’t screw things up and make sure the date lasts through the entire day.

Here’s how to find a date for this Valentine’s Day;

Start hitting on your friends’ girlfriends. Now this is one thing I don’t recommend but since I personally follow this as a religion (sorry buddies), I think I must share it here. Now you all must be wondering why go for something so insane like this when the girl is already committed? Now here’s the juice (no added flavors). Girls who are committed, if I could put this correctly, some girls who call themselves committed or taken don’t mind experimenting stuff. Sometimes they do it to make their boyfriends jealous and sometimes just for the heck of it. But they all do it sometime or the other. Mind you they won’t call, going out with you on Valentine’s Day, a date but they’ll do all that one could possibly do on a date. It’s like having Vodka with a glass labeled milk.

It’s time to look for old friends and flames. This always works. Look for old school/college mates on Facebook, MySpace, Orkut etc. Do a intense contacts search using all your old e-mail accounts. A few old flames are a sure shot. They’d love to go out with you just to see how screwed up your life is right now.

Send text messages to random numbers. Now this is like a lucky draw. A jackpot in your case I must say. Sending text messages using mobile phones in India is dirt cheap. Sometimes even for free! So start hunting for numbers and send SMSes to them. Make sure you don’t sound desperate. Who knows there might be someone somewhere just waiting for your text message!

Poke random chicks on Facebook. You can’t talk to hot chicks in real life but you can poke hotter chicks on Facebook. Now that’s Internet for geeks. Poking someone strange on Facebook is like a cool gesture. Poke them and wait for a response. Make sure you don’t poke hard. And don’t poke girls who are already committed or married. (But I still try that)

Wear a I need a Date t-shirt to college. Prove your business skills as you flaunt this t-shirt at college. Winters or no winters, you can brave the chill for a day, for a date. Make sure you spend your day roaming around college with the maximum concentration of chicks. Smile at them as they laugh at you. It doesn’t matter. One or two of them might just accept your proposal. Don’t be shy.

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That’s right people the title says it all. As junior school science teachers taught you with a stink in their hands that there is no such thing as an ideal machine, it’s true that there is no such thing as a perfect boyfriend. There are always some kind of losses on the path of love. Sometimes the effeciency sucks so bad that the loss overtake the gain.

If you go about defining a perfect boyfriend then I guess you’ll throw in the following attributes or qualities as some girls might call it.

- Calm
- Obedient
- Rich
- Faithful
- Rich
- Good looking (or in words from the heart, damn sexy)
- Rich

And yes I forgot to mention he should be rich.

They say all good men are taken while most are married, the remaining choose to exploit their position of being ‘good’ to get laid. So the hunt for a perfect boyfriend end right at the point of the begining. Good guys are so hard to come by and those that do come by fly at the blink of an eye. What a girl is actually left with is random fragments of desperate males trying to prove their worth in the real world. Not to forget the geeks that carry a URL with them, all the time.

If by any chance you get your hands on such a guy the relationship tends to be headed towards the Bermuda Triangle. Everything starts off so well and the world seems like heaven on a chocolate cake. You dream and dream about the endless possibilities that the future hold before you. Then at a point there comes a moment of truth when he disappears. He’s obviously cheating on you, getting laid with another woman or simply bored out of you. He remains a perfect guy in the relationship until he really starts thinking.

He doesn’t disappear for the entire time. Once again he re-appears in your life for vomiting out those last words. You are taken by surprise. You were ready to give everything up for this one perfect boyfriend that you had and he comes up to you and tells you that he’s just out of ideas on how to carry on with the relationship.

This just doesn’t make any sense to you. Does it? But you still went on and probably read the whole damn thing. Anyways I’m going through the hardest part of my life and I just can’t help myself. I’m brooding over the whole break-up issue all over the web. That makes me wonder, did I get ditched for being a geek? But then I never used to tweet in-between any love making session. Or did I?!

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Being in the final year of your graduation can be really frustrating. Your mind is stuffed with all sorts of things that increase your blood pressure to the top. On top of it if you have your parents pushing you into a marriage, you’re in for trouble big time baby! Now I agree most of the times this is the case with the chicks around, all that parents pushing in an early marriage stuff. In my case, or I must say, poor Zoravar’s case it’s the opposite. My parents are keen on getting me ‘at least engaged’ to some chick I don’t know, chick I have never met or seen or even talked to.

I have always voted for staying single in my entire life. Not that I was one of those ugly ducklings at school or college. I have known people who were and who are into relationships. Trust me dude, you don’t wanna be in any of those. Chicks dig the crap out of a guy. They will make you do things you just dont want to. They will call you at the wrong times. They will ask you for those more-than-just-favor things. They will track you down wherever you go. They will ask you all those stupuid WH questions. They will take total control over you.

Ahhh! I need to clear some air with my parents. They just can’t get a poor kid married to some chick like that. But first I need to ask them if she’s really hot! How do I do that?! Any ideas?!

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Sometimes I feel like holding your hands,
to feel that warmth of your love…
…holding your hands forever.

Sometimes I feel like staring at you,
to admire your beautiful sweet smiling face…
…staring at you forever.

Sometimes I feel like playing with your hair,
to feel that soft silky touch…
…playing with your hair forever.

Sometimes I feel like holding you tight in my arms,
to feel your never ending love…
…holding you tight forever.

Sometimes I feel like spilling some more cola,
to see that smile on your face each time I do it…
…spilling the cola forever.

Sometimes I feel like telling you how much I love you Princess,
to hear you say that you love me too…
…saying I love you forever.

I love you my Princess!
I love you!

Something I wrote sometime back. It’s still pretty close to my heart. Original post.

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