We all call ourselves social, humans (well with what all humanity is left in all of us) the social beings. But even after living in a social mode…we are mainly obsessed with ourselves only. We go to a social gathering, what matters to us is how are we looking. Our eyes start seeing others only when we have satisfied ourselves with the answer that either we r looking the best or worst of all. We reach out to a group photograph and first thing we see is us. How many of you have seen someone else before you in such a situation?! I bet not even the guy/girl you have a crush on!

What lead to the origin of science and all d scientific theories ever made (which we sometimes think should never be made from the examination point of view) was to trace the path to how we evolved. All the inventions were done basically to make our own lives comfortable. All the experiments, inventions or discoveries till date were done to satisfy one’s own creative self or for the bread and butter.

We love our loved ones, parents, siblings, friends, children etc not because we love them but in a way if something bad happens to them then its ultimately d us who r going to get hurt. A person on the death bed is only concerned about will his children be taken care of after him, so that may at least his soul rest in peace as nothing hurts more than a near and dear one in pain. We donate money to the old age homes, orphanages, helping the flood, earthquake , drought victims not because we want to help them, but we wish that by such acts of charity, if not all then our some sins will be washed and the god, if he exists somewhere will grant us heaven. What all we do which we may sometime think we are doing for others is basically for own good. We definitely want the return favor, if not right now, then tomorrow may be . We work hard, earn money (well.. some don’t work hard but still earn money or are already rich!) so that we can provide ourselves and our family with all the worldly pleasures.

Talking about meditation, praying and all the other spiritual modes, these are also a medium to know our inner self. Ok now when right from the moment we are born till we breathe our last, we are thinking about ourselves, then why we brag about our little act of kindness shown? Why after donating money at some religious place or at an organization we want our name to be printed on the leaflets, in the newspapers, engraved on the walls, announced on TV, in the gatherings? We are just returning the favors of the society or the god in one way or the other in whatever act we are doing. Why can’t we just help others and be silent about it?! Think about it…thinking never hurts!

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I know I haven’t been regular with blogging for the past couple of weeks. I’ll blame it on the exams at college, a family function and my shiny lazy ass. But I’m back now and I promise to finish up those posts lying in the drafts and also I’ll be regular from now on.

We’ve got to announce the winners for the Design a Tee contest we had a little while ago here. This is just to let you guys know that we didn’t run away with the prizes.

Also Bollywood has been disappointing a lot lately. With no new releases, it’s been a sad time for both multiplexes and reviewers like us. But then we’ve got the dashing IPL! IPL has been pretty normal this season. Of course the Vodafone ZooZoos managed to steal the show while teams like Shah Rukh’s Knight Riders were busy trying to figure out what they were doing in South Africa.

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Looking for a date for this Valentine’s day? Join the gang buddy! Valentine’s Day is almost here. The newspapers, websites, blogs, forums etc. add salt to your ’single’ wounds. You have remained single throughout the year and all of a sudden when you look around and find no one besides you, your heart starts beating faster and sends a pulse to your brain that tells you, ‘You f’ing moron! Go find a good girl for yourself.’

Finding that perfect date for Valentine’s day is a nut job. You need to crack it or get cracked. OK that was a bad PJ! Anyways let’s talk about how to find that perfect date for Valentine’s day. Remember your date is supposed to last a couple of hours and it doesn’t matter if she decides to stay with you or not. Just stick to the plan. Don’t screw things up and make sure the date lasts through the entire day.

Here’s how to find a date for this Valentine’s Day;

Start hitting on your friends’ girlfriends. Now this is one thing I don’t recommend but since I personally follow this as a religion (sorry buddies), I think I must share it here. Now you all must be wondering why go for something so insane like this when the girl is already committed? Now here’s the juice (no added flavors). Girls who are committed, if I could put this correctly, some girls who call themselves committed or taken don’t mind experimenting stuff. Sometimes they do it to make their boyfriends jealous and sometimes just for the heck of it. But they all do it sometime or the other. Mind you they won’t call, going out with you on Valentine’s Day, a date but they’ll do all that one could possibly do on a date. It’s like having Vodka with a glass labeled milk.

It’s time to look for old friends and flames. This always works. Look for old school/college mates on Facebook, MySpace, Orkut etc. Do a intense contacts search using all your old e-mail accounts. A few old flames are a sure shot. They’d love to go out with you just to see how screwed up your life is right now.

Send text messages to random numbers. Now this is like a lucky draw. A jackpot in your case I must say. Sending text messages using mobile phones in India is dirt cheap. Sometimes even for free! So start hunting for numbers and send SMSes to them. Make sure you don’t sound desperate. Who knows there might be someone somewhere just waiting for your text message!

Poke random chicks on Facebook. You can’t talk to hot chicks in real life but you can poke hotter chicks on Facebook. Now that’s Internet for geeks. Poking someone strange on Facebook is like a cool gesture. Poke them and wait for a response. Make sure you don’t poke hard. And don’t poke girls who are already committed or married. (But I still try that)

Wear a I need a Date t-shirt to college. Prove your business skills as you flaunt this t-shirt at college. Winters or no winters, you can brave the chill for a day, for a date. Make sure you spend your day roaming around college with the maximum concentration of chicks. Smile at them as they laugh at you. It doesn’t matter. One or two of them might just accept your proposal. Don’t be shy.

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That’s right people the title says it all. As junior school science teachers taught you with a stink in their hands that there is no such thing as an ideal machine, it’s true that there is no such thing as a perfect boyfriend. There are always some kind of losses on the path of love. Sometimes the effeciency sucks so bad that the loss overtake the gain.

If you go about defining a perfect boyfriend then I guess you’ll throw in the following attributes or qualities as some girls might call it.

- Calm
- Obedient
- Rich
- Faithful
- Rich
- Good looking (or in words from the heart, damn sexy)
- Rich

And yes I forgot to mention he should be rich.

They say all good men are taken while most are married, the remaining choose to exploit their position of being ‘good’ to get laid. So the hunt for a perfect boyfriend end right at the point of the begining. Good guys are so hard to come by and those that do come by fly at the blink of an eye. What a girl is actually left with is random fragments of desperate males trying to prove their worth in the real world. Not to forget the geeks that carry a URL with them, all the time.

If by any chance you get your hands on such a guy the relationship tends to be headed towards the Bermuda Triangle. Everything starts off so well and the world seems like heaven on a chocolate cake. You dream and dream about the endless possibilities that the future hold before you. Then at a point there comes a moment of truth when he disappears. He’s obviously cheating on you, getting laid with another woman or simply bored out of you. He remains a perfect guy in the relationship until he really starts thinking.

He doesn’t disappear for the entire time. Once again he re-appears in your life for vomiting out those last words. You are taken by surprise. You were ready to give everything up for this one perfect boyfriend that you had and he comes up to you and tells you that he’s just out of ideas on how to carry on with the relationship.

This just doesn’t make any sense to you. Does it? But you still went on and probably read the whole damn thing. Anyways I’m going through the hardest part of my life and I just can’t help myself. I’m brooding over the whole break-up issue all over the web. That makes me wonder, did I get ditched for being a geek? But then I never used to tweet in-between any love making session. Or did I?!

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Disclaimer: This post below is in no way racist or anti-Indian. I am myself an Indian and I love my country. This is just a viewpoint from a female’s perspective. It’s supposed to be a satire and nothing more.

The Staring Habit:

Males all over love to stare at women. Indian males love to keep staring at women. They’ll stare you to death if they want to. You can try giving them ‘the look’ in the eye but no use. Somehow their eyes are rock solid, on target. They scan you from top to bottom and left to right. Their dark eyes scan every inch of flesh on you.

The Stinking Habit:

Indian guys stink, to the core. Guys this is a a wake up call. I believe that guys think investing in a 100 buck deodorant hurts more than investing in stocks. Every time a guy walks by and I can feel that disgusting body odor. I wonder if you guys even hit the showers every day.

The Peeing on the streets Habit:

This is not new. At any given time there’s an Indian guy peeing across the street in the public right in front of a sign that says, “Yahaan peshaab karna mana hai” meaning you can’t pee here. Just because you guys can pee standing up doesn’t mean you must pee everywhere. Use the public loo next time.

The Comment passing Habit:

Walk across a bunch of guys and your ears automatically gear up to pick up the sound signals. Every single woman in the country is so bloody used to these comments that it doesn’t bother most of them anymore. Sexually unfulfilled, testosterone charged males would make all sorts of attempts to prove their worthiness out on the streets.

The Over-friendly Habit:

Indian males tend to become over-friendly for all kinds of reasons known to them. Go to a public place and drop a pin, hundreds of men jump out of nowhere and battle to get that pin back to you. Then they’ll strike a conversation with you. They’ll want to know all sorts of personal things about you. They just don’t seem to stop. There’s a fine line between being a gentleman and being uncomfortably friendly. Indian men cross the line as usual.

Anything else you can think of? Please post them as comments.

Disclaimer: This post below is in no way racist or anti-Indian. I am myself an Indian and I love my country. This is just a viewpoint from a female’s perspective. It’s supposed to be a satire and nothing more.

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Happy New Year from everyone here on HarryJerry.com!

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Placement Screw-ups

2008 began with a big banging placement season at my campus. For an average Indian engineering student the placement season is the most crucial time in life. You can either make it or break it by just one simple mistake. In my case I made a hell lot of mistakes. I did make it with a couple of offers by the end of the placement season but I missed the so called ‘dream’ companies!

Valentine and My quest for love!

I was once told that I’ll never find true love in anyone. To hell with true love, I can’t even find plain love. Or even fake love! This Valentine’s I made up my mind to tell her that she’s the queen of my dreams, mere sapnon ki raani and my true love. Just when I thought I had everything by my side I saw her zoom past me with another guy by her side. That didn’t break my heart though and I planned to never give up. I tried my hand at almost 10 different chicks that very day using the stuff I had bought for my sapnon ki raani! Nothing worked.

Project Failed to launch!

It was my dream to be involved in something that would be the next big thing in technology. I was closely working on a project in telecommunications with a couple of buddies. We managed to pool in the capital and the development was kicking in. We had a strong prototype in our hands and we slept each night dreaming of the millions we could make out of this super project. Six months of pure hard work and when we approached a private telecommunications firm, we were told that they already have something very similar to what we had developed. We came back and Google shocked us with some eye opening results. Seems like a chap from Japan came up with the exact thing three years ago. Moral of the story, Google extensively before dreaming millions.

Miss Understanding!

I have this girl friend of mine (the space is intentional) who is so understanding that I sometimes have my own doubts about her. I messed up with something and tried to cover up by lying to this girl. The thing is that she knew I was lying and still didn’t respond with any odd behavior. It was only till last week when we were having an informal chat online she told me that she knew I was lying. It made me feel bad and I’ll never lie to her again.

PC burnt down

Ask any geek how it feels if their PC goes down for a day and you’ll find tears in their eyes. I left my PC in some messy condition, switched on, for a hell lot of time, knowing that the CPU fan wasn’t functioning properly. The result? My six year old machine went up in flames. My parents scolded me real bad, this was the first time I has been grounded in 5 years. Moreover I was not able to check mails, Orkut scraps or blog during my vacations. It did teach me a lot of lessons.

So what were your top WTF moments from 2008?

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The past one week has been one hell of a ride. As it comes to an end tonight I am left with memories. Memories that I won’t cherish for the rest of my life. And then there are some that I would. The Diwali break was important as it was the last one week of holidays I could spend at home before the monster month of semester examination appeared.

Last Friday I came back home on a CTU (Chandigarh Transport Undertaking) bus along with my roomie Ankur. The ride was pretty smooth as it was way past midnight. It was only at the Delhi bypass where a load of bhaiyas got on the bus. It seemed like they were trying to rob the passengers, the way they boarded the bus. Anyways they went to sleep in a couple of minutes and hence no spitting pan, fowl language or other trademark bhaiyas stuff.

There’s nothing better than coming back home. It’s a feeling better left undefined. In Faridabad it’s a different kind of an undefined feeling, it’s like someone just divided by zero. It was my birthday on 27th October followed by Diwali on 28th October. So the first few days went really awesome.

It was only after these days that I realized that my BSNL Dataone connection at home wasn’t working. In fact the phone line was totally dead. Now that’s nothing new for a BSNL customer. So a simple complaint at 198 must resolve the issue. No. Not this time! It took them a week to repair the line and now when they’ve repaired it, I lost out on one week of work.

Apart from broadband it was Cable TV that I missed the most at home. During the day time I was usually outside celebrating life but when I came back home it was just too boring. My younger brother is having his Class 12th board exams next year. So the usual Indian philosophy of no-cable-tv-till-exams is being followed here.

Anyways I’m boarding a train early tomorrow morning. And then life is going to be like hell. Only this time I’m ready for it. Bring it on Faridabaaaaaaad!

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Being in the final year of your graduation can be really frustrating. Your mind is stuffed with all sorts of things that increase your blood pressure to the top. On top of it if you have your parents pushing you into a marriage, you’re in for trouble big time baby! Now I agree most of the times this is the case with the chicks around, all that parents pushing in an early marriage stuff. In my case, or I must say, poor Zoravar’s case it’s the opposite. My parents are keen on getting me ‘at least engaged’ to some chick I don’t know, chick I have never met or seen or even talked to.

I have always voted for staying single in my entire life. Not that I was one of those ugly ducklings at school or college. I have known people who were and who are into relationships. Trust me dude, you don’t wanna be in any of those. Chicks dig the crap out of a guy. They will make you do things you just dont want to. They will call you at the wrong times. They will ask you for those more-than-just-favor things. They will track you down wherever you go. They will ask you all those stupuid WH questions. They will take total control over you.

Ahhh! I need to clear some air with my parents. They just can’t get a poor kid married to some chick like that. But first I need to ask them if she’s really hot! How do I do that?! Any ideas?!

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I don’t care if they shoot me down after this. I don’t care if the Government bans me from writing on public blogs. I don’t care if you guys reading this verbally abuse me. I don’t care if I am banned from my nationality. For the millionth time I just wanna tell the world that I am not proud to be an Indian.

I am no different. I am not out of my mind. I’m just like each one of the billion people who call themselves Indians. The same people who abuse the country, it’s politicians, corruption etc. countless times during the day and once an year they chant, ‘Vande Mataram’.

I am no different. I am a part of the lakhs of students in the country. The same set of students who work very hard in studies just to sit for an exam that could be their ticket out of the country. These same set of students feel for India. These are the same students who go sentimental after watching Rang De Basanti. These are the same students who then forget all morals and commit crime. These are the same students who work at top notch MNCs, buy from International brands, eat at Mc Donalds. And they still say, ‘Mera Bharat Mahaan’.

I am no different. I hate all the bad things like corruption and prejudice. I don’t pretend that I like the nation, like you. I hate the national anthem being played at movie theaters. I hate the roads filled with dirty water. I hate the filthy politicians. I hate our so called system.

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